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No Cringe-Worthy Moments
One of the first questions I will ask you is " what would make you go hot and cold from embarrassment  if it happened during your ceremony?"  I am continually amazed and mortified by some of the things clients tell me they've seen happen at ceremonies, that celebrants have done, or that celebrants have said to them. The sad truth is that when I launched my celebrant business back in 2004 and actively offered my services to the GLBTI community, no-one else was making much effort to provide loving, positive ceremonies .  Yes, some celebrants offered commitment ceremonies, but many celebrants were (and still are) actively and adamantly opposed to same sex relationships, and most relegate same sex ceremonies to the standard, prewritten ceremony basket.

SHORT VERSION:
Because I am a full-time professional celebrant, knowledgeable, skilled and  experienced (800 + unique ceremonies created over the past 8 years), you can be confident that I will not do anything that
  •  is illegal
  •  is unethical
  •  is cringe-worthy, or humiliates or embarrasses you or your guests
  •  is self-indulgent
  •  causes you unnecessary trouble or expense
  •  results in inconvenience to you on ceremony day (I don't overbook)
  •  compromises my capacity to deliver the ceremony of your dreams

LONG VERSION:
Nothing Illegal:
  • Because I am legally not permitted to mislead guests as to the nature of a commitment ceremony,  I can't pretend your commitment ceremony is a legal marriage when it is not. I always do this in a very positive and non-judgmental way. Your friends and loved ones aren't silly, so nothing heavy-handed is required.
  •  I write my own material, so have no need to illegally use the work of other celebrants or material copied from the web.

Nothing unethical:
There are things which I believe are unethical and therefore:
  •  I do not perform ceremonies of any type at any venue that refuses to accept bookings from same-sex couples (that includes straight weddings as I do not believe it is ethical to personally profit by conducting ceremonies regarded by such venues as "acceptable" as that gives tacit approval to their stance.)
  • I do not accept invitations to enter into an arrangement with a venue that commits me to work under the direction of the venue management, events organiser, or staff in order to continue to receive work through that venue.  My loyalty is 100% to you.
  • I do not pay for referrals from venues or related ceremony service providers, such as photographers or decorators.
  • I will not include religious material or references in your ceremony unless you specifically ask me to do so
  • I include nothing that perpetuates outdated gender stereotypes in ceremonies
Because I am experienced and confident I don't need to use your ceremony as a vehicle for experimentation, and you can be sure that there will be

Nothing cringe-worthy
  • no off-colour jokes
  • no tarty clothing, wild colours, "look-at-me" headgear,  or clothing that is culturally offensive to you or your guests
  • no forcing you to use flowery language when it is not you
Nothing self-indulgent
  • I don't talk about myself in the ceremony
  • I keep your guests focussed on you, rather than me (for a significant proportion of the ceremony I make sure I'm the voice-over, not the centre of attention)
  • I won't inflict a stand-up routine on anyone
  • I don't wear clothing or jewellery that attracts attention (no bright colours, outrageous headware, or jangly bits)

Nothing that causes you unnecessary trouble or expense

Nothing that results in inconvenience to you on ceremony day
  • I don't overbook
  • I allow plenty of time between ceremonies to allow for unforeseen delays in traffic.)
Nothing that compromises my capacity to deliver the ceremony of your dreams

There are also things which I do not do from personal choice, so, while I will go to extraordinary lengths to ensure that your ceremony is very personal, is conducted in a warm and friendly manner, engages the guests, and is as stress-free for you as possible,

I will not
  • Perform ceremonies aboard vessels that are under way, or aboard aeroplanes, helicopters, or hot air balloons in flight (I get seasick and airsick) or on the top of the Story Bridge
  • Perform ceremonies on surf beaches or where a long hike over rough terrain is required (never a good experience for guests)
  • Perform ceremonies on Moreton, Stradbroke, Fraser or other islands ( I get seasick and travelling to the islands is impracticable for me as  travel time and constraints on travel imposed by the ferry schedules requires devoting a whole day to a single ceremony and charging you accordingly). I suggest you use a celebrant who is based on the relative island., or if that proves difficult, ask me about my DIY Ceremony service
  • Perform a ceremony in the nude (Trust me, you want your wedding photos to be fantastic as in fabulous,  not fantastic as in OMG un-be-lievable)